Hey There, Little Red Riding Hood
by Daddy Elric
Summary: [Oneshot][Songfic] How had a simple delivery across the woods turned into this?


Well, like, Foxx got Us into KimmyEd. xD And somehow, a maniac and a cute little chibi can totally work it. So lyke... Foxx likes Kimmy Wolf, and We were watching a little fanmade video of Bowling for Soup's '_L'il Red Riding Hood', _and like... it just happened. LITTLE RED RIDING ED. 8D

xD If anyone recognizes the fish thing, yeah, We stole that idea from _Kiki's Delivery Service_. xD And look, Foxx! Your sneaky 'I'm keeping a secret' Kimmy thing! -totally stole it from the Demon Eyes roleplay- xD

**Pairing**: KimEd

**Disclaimer**: Don't own it! Song is _'L'il Red Riding Hood'_, originally by Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs, but covered by Bowling for Soup. And of course, We obviously do not own the concept of Little Red Riding Hood.

* * *

**HEY THERE, LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD**

_/Hey there, little red riding hood  
You sure are lookin' good  
You're everything that a big bad wolf could want  
Little red riding hood - I don't think even big girls should  
Go walkin' in these spooky old woods alone  
What big eyes you have  
The kind of eyes that drive wolves mad  
So just to see that you don't get chased  
I think I ought to walk with you for a ways/ _

Why was he... out here again? Honestly, he was pretty sure that this was _not _what he'd been bargaining for when he'd agreed to walk from the Rockbells' house to Winry's-grandmother-on-her-mother's-side's house to deliver... what did he have in this basket again? Some kind of fish pot pie?Whatever it was, it was fishy, and he didn't like it much. It had looked sick when he'd peeked at it. Was Pinako like... trying to kill Winry's other grandparents or something? Whatever her motive, Edward Elric had a pretty good impression that she was trying to kill him as well as the other grandparents. He'd already fallen into loads of puddles (it was rainy that autumn) and it was windy today. Thus, he'd pulled up his hood over his long blonde hair. It was kept in a simple ponytail today, simply because he didn't feel like being habitual. Jeez, and he was freezing, too, despite drying himself off every time he fell. And it was all his bitch-of-a-mechanic's fault. "Sometimes, I really hate you, Winry," mumbled the boy as he tripped over a rock and fell face-first into a puddle that was camouflaged by many of last autumn's fallen leaves. And somehow, his fishy delivery was unharmed. Damn stuff. Edward sighed, putting down his basket to dry himself off. He was still cold, though...

An hour of walking later found the boy tromping unhappily through the thick undergrowth in the woods outside Risembool. The scowling little alchemist had turned his right arm into a sort of machete to cut through the brush, but it was quite difficult all the same. "Winry, you jerk," grumbled Edward. "You so owe me."

He slashed through the leaves another time, and that was when it happened. One of the trees nearest the hooded blonde exploded. He whipped his head around so swiftly he felt it crack, to find out just what had detonated the poor tree.

Something humanoid was crouched near him. It was covered in a mass of jet-black fur, or, it seemed to be, at first. No, it was only covered from waist down, up its sides, and, almost like sleeves, the fur curled around and down the creature's arms to end in furry 'paws', though they seemed to have opposable thumbs. It shook a bit of wood shrapnel out of its fur, then paused, taking an awkward step forward, for its knees were bent backwards like a dog. Two long lupine ears twitched above the beast's head, and fierce yellow eyes were fixed upon the blonde. It had long hair, held back by a tight ponytail, and a long tail that seemed to be... wagging? And still, Edward stared. Oh, he knew what it was, of course. A chimera, for sure. Creatures like this one weren't supposed to exist. But... why was it happy to see him? Unless he was going to be eaten right now. He had already been struck on how similar this was to Little Red Riding Hood, which his mother had read for he and his brother when they were small. And now here was the Big Bad Wolf.

It grinned. "Ah... I didn't think I'd ever see someone like you. Care to take a walk? I know the woods like the back of my hand." It blinked at the paw-ish hand. "Or, paw, or whatever you'd like to call it."

Edward blinked. Did that mean it was offering to lead him someplace? He started to say something, then stopped. This thing reminded him of that guy who hung out with Greed... "Kimbley?" It smirked. Ed groaned. "What the hell happened to you?"

The wolf, now revealed to be a weird version of Zolf J Kimbley, shrugged. "Dunno," he replied, scratching his leg with a fur-covered back paw. "Military guys got me. They dropped me out here after a while."

Edward rolled his eyes. Of all the people... "Yeah, okay, I'm not sure I want to know anymore. D'you..." He waved his hands for a moment, mouth gaping like some kind of fish. This was reminding him, in a sickening way, of Nina, and he didn't like it much, gritting his teeth. "D'you know how to get to the other side of the woods, then?"

Kimbley chuckled. "You can only go halfway into the woods," he began, stepping toward Edward and inspecting the basket, "before you're at the other side. D'you want to get to the other edge?" Which was so not cool. The wolf _knew_ what he meant.

"Yeah," said Edward impatiently. "The edge of the woods." _I can't believe I'm asking help from _this _guy, _thought Edward, a vein throbbing like a rather violent drum in his temple. "So..." The boy sighed. He was too proud, and promptly realized this and squashed it. "So're you going to help me out, or not?"

Kimbley looked thoughtful. "Can I turn you into a bomb when we're done?"

Edward growled. "No," he retorted, folding his arms. The basket with the fish thing swung moodily as well, and Zolf blinked at it curiously, nose twitching as he sniffed at the food. Edward glared at him. "Don't you dare. C'mon."

The wolf nodded. "Right. We'll want to leave, then. It'll be dark in a few hours, and I doubt you want to reheat that crap more than once, right?"

"My thoughts exactly. C'mon."

_/What full lips you have  
They're sure to lure someone bad  
So until you get to Grandma's place  
I think you ought to walk with me and be safe  
I'm gonna keep my sheep suit on  
Till I'm sure that you've been shown  
That I can be trusted walkin' with you alone/  
_

They walked along for quite a while. Occasionally Kimbley would lope off and explode different things, vegetation and pebbles mostly, but once he exploded a boulder that had Edward diving for cover. And once, he tackled a rather misfortunate rabbit and, well, ripped it apart. He walked along with a feral grin on his lips, and Edward was a little sickened to note that he was chewing on a leg bone. But then again, Kimbley was a _wolf _chimera, and his body would probably be able to process raw meat the way a wolf did. Edward grimaced, and Kimbley smirked. "Creeped out, are you? It's a natural thing for a wolf, you know. Gotta eat something."

Edward looked quite disgusted. Kimbley just grinned, fangs gleaming. The blonde blinked at him, watching the wolf out of the corner of his eye. Kimbley looked as if he was the cat who'd swallowed the canary. There had to be something he was planning -- and he soon found out. Finally, he gathered up the nerve (Kimbley was slightly psyching him out) to ask the chimera why the hell he was looking at him like that. "What is so funny?" asked the blonde impatiently, stopping and glaring at the chimera. "D'you have a problem?"

The wolf stopped, turning around with a slow smirk. Edward was rather reminded of Roy in the way the chimera was smirking, but he shook it off. "Of course not, Edward," he purred. "I'm simply enjoying your company."

Ed wasn't fooled, and he'd show he wasn't. "Liar," he replied, watching as Kimbley approached him casually. "You're laughing at me, or plotting something. Tell me. I want to know." He folded his arms, tapping his foot impatiently. "Will you tell me, then?"

Kimbley's smirk grew, and he reached Edward, looking down at him. He was shorter than he had been because of the way his legs were, but it was fine with him, because Ed was still quite a lot shorter than him. "You're sure you want to know? You can't make me take it back when it happens."

"Yes," said Edward, impatience rising. "Tell me, I want to know."

"All right," said Kimbley simply. "I'll tell you."

_/Little Red Ridin' Hood  
I'd like to hold you if I could  
But you might think I'm a big bad wolf, so I won't  
What a big heart I have  
The better to love you with  
Little Red Ridin' Hood  
Even bad wolves can be good/_

I stare at him, eyes narrowed. Then he does something, I'm not sure what, but still, when he does it, I find that my eyes have shut on their own accord. "Dammit," I mumble as Kimbley steps away. "Hey, you."

He's already started to trot off, and I bolt after him. "Hey! You can't just kiss me and walk away! Dammit!" He gives a bark of laughter and tears off. "Hey! You're supposed to show me how to get through the woods! Come back here!"

_I'll try to be satisfied  
Just to walk close by your side  
Maybe you'll see things my way  
Before we get to grandma's place_

_Little Red Ridin' Hood  
You sure are lookin' good  
You're everything a big bad wolf could want/_


End file.
